Day 2: Forgiveness

So as a part of being honest, I've decided that even though my intent is to inspire, I also intend to share the real way that I got to the acceptance of what is.

In my experience, I've not had the easiest time with this concept.
I've suffered from severe depression over the past year and a half. The depression often times leaves me numb, checked out, in despair and feeling completely helpless.
I find myself seeking out ways to release me, to know I'm free and that God hasn't abandoned me.

Since I last wrote, I have only slept 2 hrs!
Every time I begin to nod off, my head won't shut up. Then when I finally shut it up, my heart starts hurting from the pain.

What is:
I'm not a perfect mom.
I did yell at my kids.
I have let today's depression consume me. I cuddled with my misery today, instead of with my blessings.

My Blessings from accepting what is:
I am aware of the areas I can improve upon and appreciate the already perfect parts of me.
My kids have learned that they are still loved and valued, whether or not someone, even their mom yells at them.
My kids learn that I'm human and I'm not perfect. Therefore teaching them to accept their imperfections easier, be honest with themselves and love what is.
I learned that part of the process includes going THROUGH the pain and not band aiding or skipping over it.
I've learned that I am the one with the power to choose, each moment and to honor the moments for what they are.

My biggest lesson today has been about Forgiving me.
I am good enough.

Gratitude:
I am grateful that my children know they are loved and most importantly, forgive me for my imperfect moments. For this I am blessed.
I am grateful that I can honor me for anything I'm feeling and that I'm willing to move forward after going through the pain.
I am grateful for Dustins' ability to remain strong for us.
I am grateful for my daughter being a perfect reflection of me and being my biggest teacher.
I am grateful for Kaden being protected.
I am grateful for my sister & fam sending gifts from NZ.
I am grateful for my home and the safety/warmth it provides.
I am grateful to Heavenly Father that I breathe and am being given opportunities to Live my life no matter what.